Author: Raman

“The game of life is rigged. Death always wins.”

– Manny Delgado from Modern Family

Life is a game. We’ve all heard that before. We are just merely players in a much larger game. I used to think there was nothing wrong with that. I was content to play the game, just like everyone else. I saw nothing wrong with that.

That is, until a character from one of my favorite TV shows exposed the dark truth about the game of life: it’s rigged. There can and will be only one winner—Death. You and I can play the game all we want. We can use cheat codes, level up, become OP, and do whatever it takes to become the best at the game. But we will never be the top-ranked player. That spot is reserved for Death.

Does that mean we shouldn’t play? What’s the point of trying so hard at a game we can’t win. I hate doing things that I know I can’t be great at. Wouldn’t it be so much better to just sit on the sidelines and let Death win? Isn’t it better to lose early than to lose in the finals? Surely not trying, is better than giving a futile effort.

Well, I usually feel that way when playing most games. But life is different. If it really is a game, it’s certainly way different than any other game I’ve played. There are no clear rules, the gameplay varies immensely, and besides Death, there are no true winners and losers. Death wins, nobody loses, and everyone else just plays. So why not try to at least enjoy the game. Sure it’s pointless and we can’t win, but that doesn’t mean it has to suck.

The game of life will end for us sooner than any of us can imagine. Years will pass by and we won’t know what hit us. Soon, Death will be at our doorsteps ready to eliminate you from the game. So, let’s enjoy the time we do have. Death may win first place, but we can win the prize for having the most fun. Life may be a rigged game with only one true winner, but that doesn’t mean that everyone that plays has to suffer. Go out there, my friends, and enjoy life. A rigged game is still a game. And games are supposed to be fun to play.

This article takes its name from the R&B artist Miguel’s song of the same name. It is a great song, but its real value isn’t in the musical quality. It’s in the meaning behind the lyrics. The song is all about questioning the true value of permanence and immortality.

You see, when you live forever, things have much less value. As the American author and teacher John Taylor Gatto so eloquently puts it:

“The only thing that gives our time on earth any deep significance is that none of this will last. Only that temporality gives our relationships any urgency.

If you were indestructible, what a curse!

How could it possibly matter whether you did anything today or next year or in the next hundred years, learned anything, loved anybody?

There would always be time for anything and everything.

What would be the big deal about anything?”

The real value of life comes from its impermanence, its transience, its fleeting nature. A relationship is so vivid and powerful because we know it won’t last forever. Sure a good one may last a lifetime, but that’s not forever. We know that both us and our friend/relative/lover will leave one day. That’s what makes each day so much more powerful. That’s why we get up and hug our kids and kiss our spouses. Because we know that one day they won’t be there…or we won’t. Your kids will grow up and leave the house. Your parents will grow old and pass on. Your friends will start their own families and move away.

That’s the sad truth of life. But it’s also a good thing. When you know you won’t be able to see your friend everyday, then each moment you spend with him or her becomes that much more powerful and important. When you know that your kids will grow up, you will cherish each day you have them in your house. Life is fleeting, but that’s what makes it so great.

How much fun would a party be if it lasted forever? How much pleasure would we derive from our work if we never had to leave the office? How great would our food taste if we never had to leave the dinner table? There is so much truth in the phrase, “short, but sweet.” That’s what life is. Short, but sweet.

Where’s the fun in forever? The real fun is in the here and now. In the fleeting, transitory, ever-passing present moment. Not in forever.

I was recently having dinner with two of my friends and somehow, the topic of meditation came up. I got into a pretty animated discussion with one of my two friends, but the other friend seemed distant and distracted. I called him out on it, saying that he wasn’t present in our conversation. He wittily (or so he thought) replied, “I was meditating.”

And that’s when I went off. You see, my friends, meditation is not an escape from the real world. In fact, it is the exact opposite. Meditation is further entrenchment into the world and it makes you more present and aware of everything that is going on. Like my friend, most people believe that meditation is going off into your own special place and avoiding reality. But nothing could be further from the truth. Meditation is about becoming more one to the world.

How many times have we been in a room and not even noticed the colors of the walls and furniture? How many times have we ridden a bus or plane and been completely oblivious to the sounds, choosing instead to put on our expensive headphones? And how many times have we walked to school or work and failed to even recognize a close friend as he passed us on the straight?

We go places, without noticing things. We see people, but never pay attention. We do things, but we aren’t present. Meditation solves all of these problems. Meditation is about becoming aware and present. Next time you go for a walk, concentrate on your feet as you take each step. Actually feel the wind as it hits your face. Keep your eyes and ears perked for all the wonderful sights and sounds that you can observe in even the most mundane of walks. That’s true meditation.

Next time you are in a conversation, don’t be like my friend. He was present physically, but not mentally or emotionally. Put your phones away and get out of your own head. Actually listen to what people are saying and pay attention to your own contributions to the conversation. Look people in the eye when you speak to them. Concentrate your mind on the present moment and on your present surroundings. That is the essence of meditation.

Meditation is not an escape from the real world; it is further entrenchment in the real world.

Tell me if this sounds familiar. You are sitting at home, watching your favorite movie or TV show. Your favorite character is getting ready to do the dumbest thing imaginable. You shout, you stand up, you throw things…just because you don’t want him to do the dumbest thing imaginable. But then you think to yourself, “He has to do this; otherwise their would be no show.” You see, my friends, conflict is necessary to a good movie or TV show.

What would Star Wars be without the Death Star? What would Sherlock Holmes be without a constant stream of murder cases? What would Modern Family be without typical familial strife and dysfunction? I’ll tell you what: they’d all be super boring, unpopular, and no one would watch them. You need conflict for good entertainment. And the interesting thing is that conflict isn’t just a necessity in the entertainment industry; it’s also a necessity in a happy life.

In his seminal book The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt argues that adversity—provided it isn’t life-damaging as with PTSD—plays a major role in happiness. Conflict sets the stage for personal growth and self-reflection, both important aspects of a good life. Conflict also serves as a necessary contrast. After all, there is no victory without defeat, happiness without suffering, or pleasure without pain. The good is only good in contrast with the bad.

So the next time conflict enters your life, don’t scream and shout, like you do at your favorite character on the television screen. Instead, take some time to reflect and come up with a plan to overcome the adversity. Because we are often at our happiest when we are conquering life’s challenges. People who run successful companies look back on the early stages—times when they didn’t even know if their company would survive—and view these tough times as the “good ol’ days.” So if times are tough for you, my friend, don’t worry. These are the best of times.

When it comes to a major task, be it launching a product, working out, or making friends, the vast majority of people (myself included) are always focused on the end. When it comes to business, we focus on the product bringing in sustainable passive income on a daily basis. When it comes to health, we focus on the six-pack and on completing marathons. When it comes to our social lives, we focus on the extensive social circles and glamorous parties. And every single time, we find ourselves getting massively overwhelmed.

As a result, we often give up even before we start or shortly after we start. That’s no way to get a passive income stream or a healthy body. We need to stop focusing on the final step and start focusing on the next step. Instead of thinking about your future six-pack, how about just focusing on purchasing a gym membership. And then on actually going to the gym. And then on doing each exercise, one at a time. 10,000 steps later and you’ll have your six-pack.

The same is true for starting a business. It’s good to think about having successful products and a healthy bank account. But to get to that point, you have to take it one step at a time. Register a domain. Do research. Create a product. Put up landing pages. Hire and train employees. And 10,000 steps later, there you go…a successful business.

Take life one step at a time, my friend. Any monumental goal can be yours. But instead of thinking about the end and getting overwhelmed, just take it one step at a time. You are walking up a grand staircase. Your only goal is to make it to the next step. That’s it. Good luck, my friends.

Oh man, I love TV. Even though I know how bad it is, I still love to watch it. And yet, despite my love of television, there are periods in my life where I go days at a time without watching even a single minute of my life. It just so happens that those are the best days of my life. Coincidence? I think not. I have definitely noticed a correlation between good days and not watching television, so I’m going to dig deeper into those TV-free days to expose the truth about how to stop watching TV and start enjoying life.

The TV-Free Days

If I look back on all the television-free days in my life, I notice one commonality: my real life on those days was better than any fictional televised life. I was out and about, hanging with friends, knocking things off my bucket list, doing work that was meaningful to me, eating amazing food, and doing a bevy of other really cool things. Living my own life was far superior to watching someone else’s life on TV. I didn’t need to watch TV because I was getting more entertainment from my own life than I could get from any TV character, reality star, or athlete. My life was the best TV show and it was on 24/7/365.

However, my life isn’t always so spectacular. There are days where I watch hour upon hour of TV. Instead of letting the new episodes pile up on Hulu, I consume them at a voracious pace and impatiently await the next episode, the way a drug addict awaits the next hit. On these days, my own life is so boring, that I need to escape. I need to immerse myself in a world of fictionalized characters, whose lives are far more entertaining than my own. These TV-filled days are among the worst days of my life. If only there was a way to minimize these days and maximize TV-free days.

Creating a Television-Worthy Life

You want your life to be so entertaining, that you don’t need TV. How do you do that? Here are a few tips, based on an analysis of my own TV-free days and discovering the major characteristics of these days.

1. Be busy.

When you are busy, there is no time for TV. It’s as easy as that. Of course, you want to be busy with meaningful things. If you are busy because of a job you hate or a time-consuming relationship you need to end, then you will simply go home afterwards and numb yourself with TV. But if you are building your business, spending hours playing with your kids, or driving from one place to the next to plan a big party, then your life will be full of amazing experiences and you won’t need to numb yourself. So stay busy, but only with the right things.

2. Be social.

My good friend Jeff said to me on multiple occasions that the TV was his friend. It talked to him and told him cool stories. While he was joking (I hope), many people—including myself—almost feel like the TV characters are their friends. We turn to television when we have no one else to hang out with. The characters comprise our social circles and watching their shows is like hanging out with them.

If we want to go TV-free, then we need high-quality, super-fun friends to replace these characters. And when we hang out with them, we need to do cool things. We need to go to comedy clubs, throw parties, go hiking, take trips together, and just do a lot of awesome things together. Our adventures with our friends should be better than any adventure our favorite TV characters get into.

3. Be interesting.

Learn a language. Start a cool hobby like juggling, knife throwing, or napkin folding (one of my favorites). Tinker with electronics. Build websites. Teach classes. Watch live shows and plays. Read the greatest books ever written. Write.

Just be interesting.

How many times have we watched a TV character and thought to ourselves, “I wish I could do that; I wish I was like that.”? Well here’s the simple truth:

Anything a TV character can do, you can do better.

Your favorite TV character is bilingual? Become trilingual.

Your favorite TV character is the life of every party? Develop your social skills to the point where you could even outshine the TV character, were he real.

Your favorite character travels the world 3 months every year? Travel the world 4 months every year.

All of this is possible, and more. The first step to living a TV-worthy life is to stop watching TV. If you can do that, my friend, you will be light years ahead of the pack.

Now. Right now. The present moment. Nothing more, nothing less. Not the past or the future, but the present. Just the present. That’s all there is. That’s all there ever was or will be. The present is all there is.

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”

-Buddha

So make the present great. Focus on it and nothing else. There is no completion. There is no time in the future when life will be better. Don’t be nostalgic either. There was no time in the past that was better than right now. That’s because the past and the future aren’t real. They are just illusions. The past did exist. And the future will exist. But they do not exist right now. All there is right now is the present.

Don’t dwell on the past, don’t worry about the future. The past has already happened and the future will eventually happen. There is a time to focus on the past and future, but that time is not right now. Right now, focus on right now. You will be much happier for doing so.

Go forth, my friends. Go about your days as you normally do. But remember to focus only on the present moment. That’s all there is.

If you’re anything like me, then you probably have a million cool habits you want to integrate into your life. Running. Writing. Meditation. Cooking. Waking up early. Reading. Lifting weights. Going to more social events. Networking. The list goes on and on. There’s so many cool things to do and we want to do it all.

To make things worse, there are so many successful people out their who have a laundry list of amazing habits. And we don’t have any. But here’s the good news. Despite what the media has you believing about all the “overnight successes”, these people were all once where you are right now. They got to where they are right now by picking one habit. That’s it. Just one habit. And integrate that into your life.

Once you have one amazing new habit fully integrated into your life—which could takes 21, 30, or 66 days, depending on which study you believe—then its time to move on to the second habit and so on. Pretty soon, you’ll have loads of cool habits. The key is to start with one. Remember, the less you have to do, the more you get done. Let me share with you a part of my own habit-building journey.

Out all the cool habits I wanted, I decided to start with waking up early and focused on that. After some initial floundering, I decided to get some real help. I found it in the form of Hal Elrod’s book The Miracle Morning. If you struggle initially, find a book, course, or mentor to help you out. This book really helped me out, giving me the perfect blueprint for waking up early and having a legitimate morning routine. After finishing the book, I committed to 30 days of waking up early.

The first day sucked. But I had made the commitment, so I forced myself to get up. The second day was better, but not by much. The entire first week sucked. But by day 10, things were starting to get easier. They continued to do, until I completed the 30-day challenge. By that point, the habit had become integrated into my life and I still wake to a “Miracle Morning” almost every single day. By focusing entirely on one habit, I had managed to cement it into my life.

The best part was that now I was free to focus on other habits. You see, the morning routine habit, which required immense effort at the start, was now on auto-pilot. The pilot—AKA me—could now fly a different plane—AKA try a new habit. I decided to focus on writing. Again, I initially floundered, but with the help of mentors and because I could focus solely on this one habit, I was able to get on track. I made a commitment to write 1000 words a day, a 30-day challenge that I am currently in the middle of. Once I finish this, it will be time to move on to the next habit.

Inch by inch, we get ahead, my friends. There is no hurry. Focus on building one habit at a time and you’ll have an amazing life in no time. I want you write now to think of just one habit that you want to implement into your life. It can be anything, no matter how big or how small. Research the habit, find mentors, and read books on the subject. Then commit to doing it for at last 30 days. More importantly, commit to not starting any other habits.

Good luck!

Everyone brushes their teeth. Or at least, I hope everyone brushes your teeth (p.s. If you are one of those weirdos who doesn’t, then i really hope we never meet in person). And we do it twice a day, every single day, for about 3 minutes each time. That’s 6 minutes a day, 42 minutes a week, 180 minutes (3 hours) a month, and 2190 minutes (36.5 hours) a year. That’s a whole lot of time doing something as mundane, although very important, as brushing your teeth.

What if there was a way to make tasks like these actually enjoyable, instead of just boring and routine? Thankfully there is, and psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi discusses it in his seminal book Flow. Wikipedia defines flow as

“the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity.”

Doesn’t that sound awesome? Well, it probably does to you, but you are probably thinking to yourself right now, “How can tooth-brushing be a flow state activity.” The truth is that anything can be a flow-state activity. Obvious ones include rock-climbing, video games, chess, cooking, painting, and meditation. In my life, even certain ordinary tasks like showering, walking, and yes, brushing my teeth, are flow-state activities.

There are various requirements for an activity to allow you to enter a “Flow”, but the most important one is that it needs to provide challenges. The reason that ordinary tasks aren’t flow-state is that they are too easy. So we have to create our own challenges for these otherwise easy tasks. For example, with walking, I set certain goals. If I need to walk ten blocks, I break it down into smaller chunks, like 1 or 2 blocks at a time. And then I focus on these “mini-challenges”. Every time I walk a block, I do a little celebration in my head. That allows me to break down a lengthy and boring task like walking 10 blocks into smaller, more achievable, and rewarding mini-tasks. Instead of getting to my destination tired after having walked 10 blocks, I feel energized because I just accomplished 10 mini-goals and I entered into a flow state.

You can do the same thing with brushing your teeth. Treat each section of your mouth as a mini-challenge that needs to be completed. Molars, incisors, canines, gums, tongue. Celebrate when you finish brushing each region. Enter into a flow state. And you will turn those 3 minutes of morning boredom into 3 minutes of flow.

So go ahead. Pick one ordinary task and turn it into a flow-state activity. Then once you master that, pick another task. Pretty soon, your entire life will be spent in “Flow”.

“I’m so motivated to get XYZ done!”

Be honest with yourself. How many times have you said the above statement? I’ve definitely said it, or at least thought it, dozens of times.

Now ask yourself this: How many times have you actually followed through and accomplished what you were so motivated to do? For me personally, my success rate is really low, and I imagine the same is true for most of you.

So why did we fail to get XYZ done? After all, we were so motivated. Well, as the post title says, Motivation isn’t Good Enough. That’s because motivation runs out. And from my experience in the gym at my university over the past few years, it usually runs out a couple weeks into the new semester, when the number of people at the gym suddenly drops like rock.

A new semester (or New Years) resolution only gets you so far. It will be good enough for the short run. But you will run out of motivation. So we need something better than motivation, something that doesn’t run out.

Well what doesn’t run out? Good habits. As the saying goes, “Old habits die hard.” Now that saying usually applies to bad habits like smoking and nail-biting, but fortunately, it also applies to good habits like exercising and reading. Motivation will dry up like rain puddle in the desert, but good habits can last a life time.

Let’s now return to our gym example to see the importance of habits. If you want to go the gym everyday, rely on habits instead of motivation. Instead of focusing on pumping yourself up for the gym, just focus on going no matter what. Go no matter what.

If you’re tired, go.

If you’re hungry, go.

If you’re unmotivated, GO!

Just go. And every time you go, put a mark on your calendar. And watch the marks pile up into a nice, beautiful chain. Your only priority now is to NOT break the chain. And you don’t need motivation to do that. You just need good habits.

So I want you to think of just one good habit. Here are some examples: meditation, prayer, reading, journaling, writing, running, lifting weights, basketball, playing with your kids. Just pick one for now. It can be anything.

Now commit to doing it every day for the next 66 days. Apparently that’s how long it take to form a new habit. Start a chain. And don’t break it for 66 days.

I hope this post motivates you to form good habits. And if it doesn’t, then that’s okay. Because you don’t need motivation.